11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
