i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
