I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
