Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
