I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Also, beer. Big fan.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
