Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
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