I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
