I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
