one two three fourrrrnication!
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
