hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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