fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
