wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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