just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
