I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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