When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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