btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
The feeling are messing with the penis
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
