One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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