Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
