i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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