alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
