Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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