my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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