shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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