I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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