i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
