My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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