If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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