i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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