what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
