dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
