you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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