Your favorite bartender is back from prision
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
