hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
