Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
