I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
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