do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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