She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
