I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
And then my night got REAL pukey
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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