Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
There r osticjed everywhere
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
