I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
