Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Randomize
