"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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