KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
