there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
