ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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