So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
