we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
there is glitter all over my balls
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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