I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
