I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
