my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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