I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Houston, we have a blender
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You were trust falling into bushes
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
