i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
