So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
