the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
