well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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