Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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