For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
