i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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