we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
