Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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