On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
