i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
