i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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