You don't have asthma, your pregnant
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
