Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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