mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
