and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
