omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
