Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
