I'm sorry my penis didn't work
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
