Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
