May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize