mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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