so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
