Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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