I molested 6 butterflies tonight
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
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