1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
