if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
