a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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