I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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