My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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