I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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