I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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