we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
