I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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