We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
