Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just invented taco cereal.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
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