where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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