All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
